The New Outlet, Wembley

After much anticipation, I visited the 'London Designer Outlet' which opened on Thursday in Wembley. I had been looking forward to it opening since I found out they were building it a few months ago, and even though not all the shops were open, it didn't disappoint. I had a great day and grabbed myself some great bargains.

My favorites were:

Nike, Bjorn Bourg, The Sunglasses Hut, Guess & Super Dry.

My money went on....

Nike:

Lunar forever - £70 down to £45

Dri-Fit - £10 down to £7

Slim fit - £32 down to £22

Super Dry

Hooded polar windcheater - £69.99 down to £41.99

Bjorn Borg

Hoody - £70 down to £50

Lace string - £13 FREE!

Lace bandeau - £23 down to £16

Zebra - £16 down to £10.50

Should have come to: £303.99

Actual spend: £192.49

Total saving: £111.50

My Baby & Me - Month 5

 

 

Another massively busy month. Bit late with this again, but next month going to be back on track.

 

Now in my third week of college and so glad that I made the decision to go. Due to the timetable and living close by I only have to leave the baba for a few hours at a time. Have been getting up nice and early and doing some expressing first thing as that's when I'm most full, although because I'm not gone for long I've still been doing all his feeds.

 

Took part in the 'Baby Lab' at Birbeck University this month. We had a brilliant time. They paid for our taxi there and back and had so many toys to play with when we got there. The test was fun. He sat on my lap while they stroked his arm with a spoon or a hand to see if there was any difference in his brain activity. Afterwards they gave us a certificate and a little tee shirt.

 

What To Expect:

 

He has come such a long way this month! At the beginning of the month, when we had just got back from holiday, I was laying on the bed blowing raspberries at him, he was watching me with amazement, then, he started blowing them back at me! I could not stop laughing! It was the cutest thing ever!

 

Something which isn't so good is that he's learnt how to scream. I'm not talking about a crying scream. I'm talking about a high pitched scream, not because he's sad, just because he's learnt a new noise. Which is fine although the neighbours may think I'm murdering someone!

 

He has also sucked his thumb a few times and grabbed his feet.

 

The most amazing thing that has happened this month by far has to be the day he said 'dada'. Thursday 12th September, his first little word :-)

 

My Advice for the Fifth Month:

 

1: Don't feel guilty if you want to go back to work or study. Not only is it important for you to go out and do what you want to do, it's also good for the baby to not spend 24/7 with the same person all the time. Luckily I have family who look after the baby when I'm at college, and I think that little bit of time with someone else is good for him. It also makes you miss your baby so you give more attention to them when you are with them.

 

2: If you live close to a university do take part in any studies they may be doing. Not only will you be aiding in important research but it's also a great experience for your baby to get out and experience new things and meet new people.

 

3: Do get a bouncer. I have found it so helpful when I'm doing different things around the house. I hang his toys on there and he keeps himself entertained while I'm getting things done. It also tires him out being on his feet!

 

  

The Yummiest Rice

This recipe is so delicious & so quick & easy to prepare, especially if you've got some leftover plain rice.

All you need is:

Some cooked rice

Some butter

Some garlic butter mix

Some capers

A tomato

Lemon juice

Salt n pepper

Put a couple of tbsps of butter in a dish with a tbsp of garlic butter mix, melt on medium in the microwave for 1 minute and pour over the rice

Chop up the tomato into small chunks and sprinkle over the rice along with a tbsp of capers

Squirt over some lemon juice and finish with salt & pepper

Done!

My Baby & Me - Month 4

 

 

I have been so busy this month what with enjoying the summer & trying to get into college that I am a bit late with this post, but here it is!

 

Yes, I have decided to go to college, & I have got in! I have had the best 4 months chilling with my baby but now it is time to look to the future. The course is only 11 hours a week & if I want to achieve my goal I must start now as I am 25 already and time goes so fast. I would love to just stay with my baby but as I said, it's only 11 hours a week & he's going to be looked after by family. I am going to express milk every morning so he still gets my milk.

 

I have had the best summer filled with days in the park & plenty of family time. Baba has seen his first beach and met his great grand parents. He has also spent lots of quality time with his aunties & his granddad. Yep, really has been a great summer! :-)

 

What To Expect:

 

He has started sucking his fingers for comfort. He has rolled over onto his side a few times. His grip has got a lot stronger & now he is reaching out to try & get things without me encouraging him to do so. He loves grabbing things & the first thing he does is try to put it in his mouth! He is dribbling a lot when he is in an upright position which I have been told is due to teething.  

 

My Advice for the Fourth Month

 

1: Lifting your baby up and down in the air when you are laying down is not only a good workout for you but it also counts towards tummy time as it strengthens their whole body!

 

2: Take your baby to the seaside! The sights, the smells, the feel of sand on their skin will all be great experiences for your baby, & remember, every new sensation will help your baby learn.

 

3: Now's the time to really show off your gorgeous little baba! Now he's awake & alert more it's a great time to visit family & friends and it's brilliant for him to see new faces.



My Baby & Me - Month 3

 

 

This month I have been really motivated to get healthy & stay healthy. I'm so glad that I took part in the 'Cook & Taste' classes. They were so helpful & gave me some good food ideas. They also educated me on the amount of unhealthy shit I was putting in my body. I used to eat cereal every morning which used to make me feel so lethargic, even Alpen gave me no energy. I have now realised that all that stuff is no good. Not only is it expensive but it is full of sugar. I now eat chopped up fruit with raisins, seeds, yoghurt & porridge oats, or a smoothie with banana, frozen mixed berries, yoghurt & milk - perfect way to start your day. I have also been making sure I get to the gym and carry on with my regular classes like I did before I was pregnant. This time at the gym is like therapy for me & its nice to carry on going somewhere where you know people.

 

I have been getting out & about with my baby a lot more now & am no longer scared of breast feeding in public. Before, whenever I went out, I always made sure I was back within 4 hours so I could feed the baba, but now it is so much easier, when my baba needs feeding, I feed him there & then, wherever I am - in the park, in a café, in a restaurant, & even on a bus! Before I was worried about how I would get my boob out, & oh, I will have to buy expensive 'breast feeding clothes', but its so easy when your confidence is built up, you'll find a way! As long as your wearing a maternity bra you'll be fine, you can get it out over tee shirts, dresses, tops. If you can't get it out over, put the baby under!

 

What To Expect:

 

My baba is so talkative & so alert, he watches everything with big cute eyes and makes lots of aaaa aaaaa aaaaa ohhhh ohhhh ohhhh noises! When I lift him up he tries to stand up! His legs seemed to have gotten so long this month. I bought him one of those bouncy things that go over the door frame & he loves being in it, he looks like he's trying to dance when he's in it! He can now hold his rattle. He sleeps right through the night from 10 - 11pm until 9 - 10am. He has little naps throughout the day as well. As the weather has been so hot I have been giving him water.

 

My advice for the third month:

 

1: Breast feed anywhere & everywhere! Do not be embarrassed or shy to do it, just do it! That way baby's happy & it will make your life so much easier.

 

2: Get a bouncy door hanger. They are only around £20 and it's great to see your baby trying to walk. I think it's good for them to be upright as well instead of just lying down all the time.

 

3: Don't be scared of the sun! It has been amazing weather these past few weeks, but it can be worrying with a baby. As long as you put sun cream on baba, keep him cool in a vest, hydrate him with water, get an umbrella sunshade & sit in the shade your baby will be fine.

 

4: Read to baba. I read out loud to my baby anything & everything! He loves watching my mouth move & the silly voices I put on. It's such a fantastic feeling when your reading & you look up & he's really watching you & smiling as if anticipating what your going to say next!

 

5: Do go to the free classes that your borough offers. I have learnt so much from the Cook & Taste sessions, & have got in shape with Fit & Healthy Mums. It's great seeing other mums & baby's as well.



The Perfect Way To Start Your Day!

Once you try this for breakfast you'll be hooked for life! It's so quick and easy to make, and so cheap!

You will need:

2 bananas
Handful of frozen mixed berries
Couple of tbsps of plain yoghurt
Hanful of porridge oats
Some milk

Throw all ingredients into a food mixer, wizz, and that's it! Done! Well Del!

Last Night I Ate.... Mozzerella Pasta

You will need:

Packet of mozzerella
Pasta
2 tbsp cream cheese
Clove of garlic
Mushrooms
Red onion
Red pepper
Salt & pepper
Cayenne pepper

1- Put pasta on to boil and chop mushrooms, onion, garlic and pepper up into small cubes, fry

2- When pastas cooked, drain, tear up the mozzerella and throw in with the pasta. Mix in the cream cheese and veg, season with salt and pepper and shake a little cayenne pepper over- Delish!

Tip: Make sure you put the mozzerella into the pasta when it's still boiling hot, that way the mozzerella melts and goas all yummy and stringy! :-)

Happy Fathers Day!

After not being able to find a cute enough card for my 9 week old to give his daddy for Father's Day, I came up with this idea: baby oil on hands and feet on a black piece of paper folded in half, tipex for the writing and outlined with a biro, perfecto, original and a great keepsake :-)

My Baby & Me - Month 2

I always thought that after you have a baby your body will be ruined forever. How wrong was I! Having a baby has given me so much more confidence in my body. Everytime I look at my baby I can't believe that my body (with a little help from my partners body!) made him. The milk my body is producing is building him up and making him grow and get stronger everyday. It is the best boost I've ever had in my life - that my body, made this beautiful little baby. I thought I'd never wear a bikini again, but I'm down the gym every week flaunting my double D's, curvy hips and gorgeous stretch marks, the tatoos of a proud mother!

What to expect:
My baby is awake alot more during the day now. I entertain him by talking, singing, dancing and doing little exercises with him. I have also got him a bouncy chair which plays songs and vibrates. If I'm busy I put him in there and he watches me as I go from one end of the room to the other. I have been giving him tummy time on his colourful play mat with a towel rolled up under his arms. He can turn his head from one side to the other. He is making a few cute little noises and laughing. He is also smiling alot more, especially after feeds. I try to keep him awake during the day and in the evening so that he sleeps through the night, it's been going well so far. I feed him and put him to sleep around 1am, and he usually sleeps until around 7am.

My advice for the second month:

1: Get out and about! I was a bit worried to go to places with other children before he had all his jabs, and I was also enjoying being really lazy with my baby, but last week I braved it and went to a couple of classes. I am so glad I went as I had a really good time. I went to a mother and baby exercise class and a cook and taste class. It was lovely to meet others who had babies and see how quickly the kids can grow as there were children there of various ages.

2: Time for a date. Have a day each week when you go out with your other half. Me and my bf have been going out for a nice meal every Saturday and it has been lovely. It gives you something to look forward to as it is hard to spend quality time together when he's at work and when he gets home your both so tired. I make sure I've given the baby a good feed before hand so he stays asleep, and we go in the early evening so it's not too busy. Having a baby doesn't have to mean no social life!

3: Get to an outside gym. At the moment I don't want to leave my baby with anyone except my partner, so it is difficult to get to the gym and I am missing it alot! So, when I stumbled across an outside gym I was overjoyed! I can go there anytime of day with my baby, and it's free!

4: Sit in the park. Take your baby to the park and show him the trees! It's so nice to get outside and just chill in the park with your baby, especially if the suns shining. It's also nice for your baby to experience nature and get some fresh air.

5: Dance & sing with your baby. He's probably the only one who appreciates my singing so I'm making the most of it. I sing everything to him from love songs to silly made up songs and he loves it. I also put my music or MTV on and dance around with him. You can also do exercises with your baby by lifting him up and down and doing some pilates moves while using him as a weight.

My Primark Bargains

 

and for me....

 

Shirt - £10.00

 



 

Disney Tee - £6.00, reduced to £3.00



My Primark Bargains

 

 

For My BaBa: 

 

'Feed Me' Tee - £1.50

Trackie Bottoms - £2.00

Trainers - £3.00

 

Total outfit: £6.50

 

 

Perfect Fathers Day Present:

 

Tee - £5.00

Trackie Bottoms - £12.00

 

Total Outfit - £17.00

 

In The Changing Room, Primark

I tried on....

My Primark Bargains

 

So, I ended up in Primark for the second time this week, what a treat!!

  

 

Last Night I Ate.... Smoked Salmon, Cream Cheese & Asparagus Salad

 

You will need:

Packet of smocked salmon
Packet of cream cheese
Packet of asparagus
Mixed leave salad
Tomato
Cucumber
Raddish
Olive Oil
Lemon juice
Salt & pepper

1- Put the oven on to 200 degrees. Put asparagus into an oven proof dish and drizzle with olive oil. Season well with salt & pepper and put in the oven

2- Spread the cream cheese onto the smoked salmon

3- Make the salad by laying the leaves onto your plate and topping with sliced cucmber, tomato and raddish, then drizzle with lemon juice

4- By this time the asparagus should be cooked. Lay on the salmon and roll up. Place the remaining asparagus on top of the salad and drizzle over the olive oil that the asparagus was cooked in. Season to taste and serve.

Ain't No Sale Like A Primark Sale!

So, today I found myself in the West End, in my favorite place.... Primark!!

I am LOVING the shirts, they would look so cute with jeans, and the oversized Tee Shirts, and the boots and the maxi skirts....I could go on!!

I was lucky enough to walk into a few sale items today, here are my bargains:

1- Oversized POP Tee: was £6.00, reduced to £3.00
2- Army phone case: was £3.00, reduced to £1.00
3- Little Black Dress: was £13.00 reduced to £5.00
4- Voile Panel: was £6.00 reduced to £3.50
5- Socks: £2.00
6- Light Blue Maternity Jeans: £11.00
7- Polka Dot Phone Case: was £3.00, reduced to £1.00
8- Pink |Lace Skirt: was £12.00, reduced to £6.00

Total saving: £23.50!! Ain't no sale like a Primark sale!!

Last Night I Ate.... Poached Egg Crumpets & Mozzerella Salad

 

You Will Need:

2 crumpets
2 eggs
Mixed salad leaves
Tomato
Cucumber
Raddish
Mozzerella
Olive oil
Lemon Juice
Balsamic Glaze

1- Crack the 2 eggs into a pan of boiling salted water

2- Toast the crumpets

3- Arrange the salad leaves on a plate and add the sliced tomato, cucumber, raddish and mozzerella

4- Drain the eggs and butter the crumpets

5- Place the eggs on top of the crumpets and drizzle the salad with olive oil, lemon juice and balsamic glaze, finally season well with salt and pepper and Enjoy :-)

 

Last Night I Ate.... Cheesy Pasta

 

 

You will need:

 

Spaghetti pasta

Some mushrooms

A red onion

Half a red pepper

2 cloves of garlic

25g butter

25g flour

1 pint of milk

Handful of grated cheese

1/4 block of feta cheese

Cayenne pepper

Basil

Mixed herbs

Salt & pepper

 

1- Chop up veg. Put pasta onto boil. Melt the 25g of butter in a pan on a medium heat. Fry veg on a medium heat

 

2- Once the butter has melted mix with the flour. When it has formed a paste, slowly add the milk, stirring continuously until it starts to thicken

 

3- Drain the pasta. Add the feta cheese and cheddar cheese to the white sauce. Mix into the pasta. Mix the vegetables into the pasta.

 

4- Finally add a few pinches of cayenne pepper and a sprinkling of basil and mixed herbs. Season with salt and pepper and enjoy! Yum!

 

 

 

My Boyfriend

He is my cake
My sugar, my pie
He is so pure
And everything nice
His eyes are magical
One of a kind
And the very best thing,
He’s in my bed every night.

Tonight

The hours roll into one
And time flies
And I feel so small
In the world tonight

Dreams of travel
And sunshine
A different place
To calm my mind

But it’s just all the same
So constant
No sign of change

And time doesn’t exist
It’s all one
Day and night
Dark and light
No existence
Just resistance
Against time tonight

My Body At 3am

Three am
Flying objects in the darkest night sky
The city is cold tonight

The planes are loud
Cutting through the atmosphere
And the clouds

Bad tv with no morals
Playing in the background

Why is this my favourite time
When everyone’s asleep
My body’s dead inside

Aching so bad
For a tiny bit of sleep
But I feel so good
And I’m getting so deep

Scratching beneath the surface
Of the sweetest lullabys
Endless hellos
And never one goodbye

This is my heaven
This is my time
When everything’s so still
Peaceful and sublime

Last Night I Ate.... Sardine Spaghetti

 

 

 

You will need:

 

Spaghetti

A red onion

2 garlic cloves

A tin of sardines in tomato sauce

2 tbsp tomato puree

A slice of bread

Tbsp of parsley

Olive oil

Lemon juice

2 tbsp capers

 

1- Put the pasta onto boil

 

2- Chop the red onion and garlic and fry in some olive oil

 

3- Put the slice of bread in a blender to make breadcrumbs

 

4- When the onions have gone soft add the tin of sardines and tomato puree and crush together with a fork to form a paste, leave on a low heat

 

5- Fry the breadcrumbs with the parsley

 

6- Drain pasta and stir in olive oil, lemon juice, capers and sardine mix

 

7- Finally stir through the breadcrumb mix and season to taste



 

 

Last Night I Ate.... Crispy Smocked Mackerel & Rice Salad

 

You will need:

A handful of cherry tomatoes

A red onion

Balsamic glaze

Olive oil

Watercress

Rice

Lemon juice

Mackerel

1- Set the oven to 200 degrees and boil the rice

2- Slice red onion and put into an oven proof dish with a handful of cherry tomatoes. Drizzle over balsamic glaze and olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Put in the oven for around 20 minutes

3- When rice is cooked mix with lemon juice

4- Heat some olive oil in a frying pan and fry the mackerel for around 5 minutes on each side until crispy

5- Arrange the watercress on the plate with the rice, cherry tomatoes and onions and finally the mackerel and voila!

How to Make a Ribbon Badge and a Beautiful Baby Photo

In my previous post was a picture of my baby inspired by Pinterest photos of babies month by month. In this post I will show you how I created this photo.

How I made the ribbon badge:

1: You will need some silver paper plates, coloured paper, 3 packets of stick on gems and some PVA glue. I got these items from Poundland. You will also need scissors and Sellotape.

2: Take a sheet of yellow, blue and pink paper, fold and cut each one in two. Fold one of the halves in roughly 1 inch sections and cut them up.

3: Cut the middle section out of the plate.

4: Fold each 'finger' of blue paper in half and stick on the back of the plate at 12 o clock, 6 o clock, 3 o clock and 9 o clock. Then stick one in between each of those.

5: Do the same with the yellow 'fingers'. Fold the pink 'fingers' in half again and cut down the fold.

6: Stick the pink 'fingers' in between the yellow and blue ones.

7: Fold in half and staple together the 3 bits of paper you have left over.

8: Stick them on the back of the plate.

9: Take another plate and cut the inside section out as before. Cover the back of the plate with everything stuck on with PVA glue.

10: Stick the plate you just cut out onto the original plate and leave under a mattress for an hour.

11: Using the black gems, cut to size and arrange onto the plate whatever you would like it to say.

12: Finally decorate using the heart and star gems. 

 

 

 

How I made the photo:

 

1: Arrange pillows against a corner of a wall on your bed.

2: Drape over a throw. I got mine from Primark for £5. 

3: After baby's fed and burped lay him on the throw.

4: Lay your ribbon badge against the pillow behind your baby.

5: Take the pic! Finish off by using some Instagram effects and voila!

My Baby & Me - Month 1

 

During my pregnancy I was in a hole so deep I didn't think I'd ever get out. Everyone always talks about post natal depression but no one ever mentions pre natal depression. I had never even heard of it and didn't know I was suffering from it until after I'd had the baby.

Once that baby came out everything changed. It was like my head was replaced. I started smiling again and I haven't stopped since the first time I saw his little body, across the room, with a tiny oxygen mask and doctors around him. I could hear him, his tiny little voice and it was like hearing heaven. I wanted to hold him but because I had lost so much blood it was a while before they put him on my chest. After the birth was such a blur, but I will never forget when I first held him and looked into his eyes. It was literally the happiest moment of my entire life. 

We stayed in hospital for 5 days after the baby was born. I am so glad that I wasn't rushed home as most new mothers are. The midwives and maternity support workers were amazing and helped me so much. I don't think I would have got the hang of breast feeding without them being on call 24/7. And it was so reassuring to have professionals around when things were happening to my body which I was unsure of, like the blood clots you can get. They can look very scary, and it was a relief to be told that everything was normal. The most shocking part was when my milk came in. I woke up at 4am to go to the toilet and I was wearing a onesie. As I unzipped it I thought I was dreaming. My boobs had swollen up to the size of Jordan's. They were so hard like stiff rubber. When I tried to lay back down it was so painful. I honestly thought they were going to explode. After a day of warm showers and breast pumps they went down. 

I will never forget walking out of the hospital when I took my baby home. I felt so strong and powerful. I was a completely different person to the one who had waddled in, uncomfortable and exhausted, 10 days before.

The first month has been beautiful. All I have wanted to do is lay and stare at my beautiful baby. 

What to expect:

My baby wakes up every 3 - 4 hours. When he does I change his nappy, feed him, cuddle him, burp him and enjoy watching his changing expressions and little noises. After he has been awake for around an hour I hold him close to me and read, watch TV or browse the Internet until he falls asleep.

My advice for the first month:

1: If you have had a traumatic pregnancy, now is the time to relax and forget the rest of the world - stay in bed.

2: When you do need to venture out to get nappies or food or do your washing, have a relaxing bath and a little pamper before hand. Theres nothing better than having your iPod blasting walking along feeling confident with a pram in your hand! Also, babies love being in motion as it reminds them of being in the womb.

3: Don't listen to anyone else. Having a baby is the most natural thing in the world and don't let anyone ruin that or take that away from you. Do what you feel is right, it is your baby, not anyone else's, and enjoy him as much as possible.

4: Do breast feed if you can. I have expressed my milk and fed him from a bottle when I am too tired to breast feed but I find that when I do this its very hard to get him back to sleep. This is because breast feeding your baby will tire him out, he will fall asleep a lot easier as he has to work harder in order to get the milk out.

5: Make a Pinterest inspired picture. Baby's grow so quick, I notice my baby's face changing a little bit each day. While browsing Pinterest I noticed many people had been creating photography of their babies month by month. I think these pictures are a great idea as when you put them all together after 12 months it can be amazing to see how quickly your baby has grown. You can buy little vests with 1 month, 2 months etc on or write on a black board with your baby in front, but my favourite was using a ribbon badge for each month. A post on how I made the ribbon badge and created the photo above will soon follow.

S x 

What To Expect When You're Not Expecting

 

August 2012: I was getting geared up for my first ever festival. I was ecstatic about seeing LTJ and asking Roger to marry me (again). Freaked out about the camping part, but the booze and junk food would keep me warm.

I lasted one night in a tent. When I woke up the next day at 6am I begged J to take me to the train so I could escape the rowdy teenagers and hell like toilets. I felt like I had the hangover from hell, even though all I had was half a can of 2% larger. What was wrong with me? Was I getting old?

J kindly dropped me off at the train station. As I was standing in the queue I felt so sick. I thought I’d be okay, but as I got closer to the front, the feeling was getting worse. I finally got called to buy my ticket, and as I stood there, in front of the crowded train station, I couldn’t believe what my body was forcing me to do. I projectile vomited as the poor cashier was asking my destination. People were looking at me like I was an annoying teenager who couldn’t handle her drink. I had no bloody idea what was wrong with me, but I knew for a fact it wasn’t alcohol induced.

When I arrived home the flat was an absolute tip. I felt so fed up. I was still feeling rough, so I tried to sleep. A few hours later I was getting worried, and as it was bank holiday weekend, the only place to go was A&E. After spending all afternoon and evening there, and them telling me it was a ‘virul infection’ and I could go home, I still didn’t feel right. They said I could stay in overnight, and they would monitor me.

The next morning I felt slightly better. I decided I needed a fresh start for when I started uni. I just wanted to be by myself, get away from all distractions. I was determined to finish uni with a first class honours degree. I started looking for places to live, and was feeling really good about myself for being so motivated. I spotted the doctors coming and was ready for them to give me the all clear, and get out of there, but I would have never guessed in a million years what would happen next.

“You’re pregnant.”

That’s all he said. So blunt, with no emotion. Then he walked off.

WTF.

I couldn't be pregnant. I was on the bloody pill and hardly had sex. Me and F had been falling out a lot lately, I couldn’t even remember the last time we passionately kissed, let alone had full blown intercourse.

There must be some mistake. So I chased after him and told him I wasn't pregnant.

"Yes you are. It's come up in your bloods."

I was crying my eyes out, and this stupid doctor, he must have got someone else's results mixed up with mine. This could not be true. I was starting uni in a few weeks time. I'm far too young for all this. I don't even know what to do with a baby. I want to go travelling, I want to make money, I want to be married and have a house and be comfortable and have no worries when I even begin to think about having a baby. Omg omg omg omg omg omg.

This was not happening.

"Excuse me, could you please do another test. I don't think I am pregnant. I think it's a mix up."

The doctor looked at me like I was mad.

Reluctantly he agreed to do another test.

Of course he was right. It came back positive.

I was hysterical, I was crying so much I could hardly form words. 

The next few weeks were a complete blur. I did not know what to do.

How could I have a baby? I had so many plans. My life constantly feels like there’s so much to do, and no time to do it. How would I have time for a baby?

But how could I kill something that’s growing inside of me, that’s made up of me and the love of my life.

I spent so much time thinking.

In bed.

Thinking.

I had a constant headacke.

The flat looked like a bomb had hit it.

I was eating shit, and didn’t even have the energy to have a wash.

I was like a tramp with a bed.

I needed to make a choice.

This was driving me crazy.

I arranged viewings of alternative accomodation.

I booked an abortion.

Then I realised, F was the love of my life. And yes, he was annoying, but still, I couldn’t be without him. This is life, this is real, this is what dreams are made of. Falling in love and creating life. This was living. This wasn’t giving up, this was just the begining.

 

Strong and Fragrant and full of Acidic Juice!

Lusty:

Healthy and strong; full of vigour.

Also: strong, robust, sturdy, vigorous, powerful, hale.

Lemon:

A yellow, oval citrus fruit with thick skin and fragrant, acidic juice.